A Note to Past Me

A note to myself, from myself, on #BellLetsTalk Day 2021.

Dear Past-Courtney,

It’s Present-Courtney, coming at you almost seven months later.

Let me start off by saying, I’m so proud of you. Yes, we’re still struggling with depression and anxiety and, yes, we still haven’t quite managed to let go of the past, but we’re working really hard on it every single day.

You know how all the pain and misery you feel right now? It’s about to begin to fade.

I know it feels like you are giving up, that you are weak, and I know you want to keep holding onto what once was, but you are taking the steps necessary to improve your mental health.

We don’t just (finally) feel like we are worthy of love or that we are enough – we know we are. We are finding out who we truly are, again – some things for the first time!

Most of all, we are so hopeful for our future.  

Courtney, we know we will never escape our mental health struggles (we’re not that naïve), but every day we’re working on healthy coping strategies to win the battle. When we do have trouble coping, we’re getting better at using our words to tell our loved ones that we’re not OK. Don’t forget, you have the best support system that is willing to step up when things feel heavy. They will show up for you time and time again in the coming months.

So, please ignore how cliché this is and really listen to what Seven-Months-Wiser-Courtney has to say:

Keep holding on. It will get better.

Your ability to love and care so deeply is not a weakness – it is your strength. Don’t ever let that diminish.

I love you.

Love, Present-Courtney.

July 2020 – January 2021. It’s amazing what a difference a few months can make.

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