Exactly three years ago I was standing on a beach in PEI, feeling utterly lost and alone. Brackley Beach. June 23, 2019. I had barely just moved across the country to be with my partner of eight years when he told me he didn’t know if he was “in” our relationship anymore. I thought nothing … Continue reading Darling, you’ve come so far

I am having a really difficult time managing my mental health right now. It’s been a long time since I felt this awful.  It’s hard to eat, it’s hard to sleep. My heart is always racing and sometimes I don't realize I'm holding my breath until I let out a long exhale. I'm destroying my … Continue reading My Current Mental Health, Actually

I don't know what to say this year so please bear with me for what I'm sure is about to be a loosely edited ramble. I've been dealing with mental health struggles, both my own and others, for so long now that I never imagined that it could touch my life even more intimately than … Continue reading #BellLetsTalk2022

The strangest thing that has come from losing my dad to depression has been the shift in perspective I've been given. I am so sad so much of the time (for example, this past Thursday was another seemingly random night spent sobbing over the devastation of this tragedy) but I've been shocked at my newfound … Continue reading Grieving, Part IV – The Beauty

On Tuesday I broke down crying at work. It started slowly at first, just a few tears almost sweetly streaming down my cheeks, but it didn’t take long until I was sobbing huge drops, black with mascara, staining my face. My face turned blotchy and red. I’m not a pretty crier. I was interrupted by … Continue reading Grieving, Part III – Two Months In

I’ve always been passionate about advocating for mental health. I’ve struggled with it for years, way before my first diagnosis of depression in 2009, I've watched family and friends struggle with mental health disorders. and I've been graced with the opportunity to listen to the stories of so many people who have felt comfortable opening … Continue reading World Mental Health Day

The end of this week I started feeling really numb. For three days straight I didn't shed a single tear. I was sort of fearful, worried that I was already over my father's death and terrified about what that said about me. Maybe that's selfish, but those were the thoughts I had. The truth is, … Continue reading Grieving, Part II

Today feels really hard in a different way than the last seven days have felt. Last week was emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing. My sister and I spent a lot of time in the car, driving from place to place to place. We spent a lot of time making difficult choices and phone calls. We … Continue reading Grieving

I’m happy. Like, really happy. Sometimes I find myself doing the most mundane tasks and wanting to pinch myself because I can’t believe how happy I am. For the longest time I thought something was wrong with me because I felt So. Damn. Happy. This might sound like an overreaction to happiness but, chances are, … Continue reading I’m… happy?

A note to myself, from myself, on #BellLetsTalk Day 2021. Dear Past-Courtney, It’s Present-Courtney, coming at you almost seven months later. Let me start off by saying, I’m so proud of you. Yes, we’re still struggling with depression and anxiety and, yes, we still haven’t quite managed to let go of the past, but we’re … Continue reading A Note to Past Me