My Current Mental Health, Actually

I am having a really difficult time managing my mental health right now.

It’s been a long time since I felt this awful. 

It’s hard to eat, it’s hard to sleep. My heart is always racing and sometimes I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until I let out a long exhale. I’m destroying my nail beds. My jaw is sore from how much I’m clenching it. My migraines are becoming chronic. I have brain fog and I find myself tripping over my words when trying to form a sentence. There’s a heaviness in my heart that makes me feel as if I’m being weighed down. 

I’m so sad all of the time.

And despite constantly talking about my mental health and advocating for open dialogue around the topic, it’s hard for me not to feel shame for having fallen to this level of anxiety and depression. Again.

I’m not looking for sympathy; all of this is just to say that I’m going through it and, if you’re feeling similarly, you are not alone.

I’m extremely lucky I have an amazing support system and access to care for my mental health. I’m taking the steps to recover before I reach the point of where I could potentially become a danger to myself. After everything we went through and are still working through in the aftermath of my dad’s passing, I never want my family to experience pain from that sort of trauma ever again.

I know it’s a lot to ask a person to reach out if you’re also feeling this way, but if you need help trying to access mental health care, or you just need a loving ear, I am here for you. 

And I’m still fighting.

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